Render unto God that which is God's

In April of 1986, I began a journey with a number of other candidates to become a Roman Catholic. I was not engaged to a Catholic. I was not even involved with a Catholic. In my conversations with the Sister in charge of the program, I thought I began to understand how I was being called to the faith, how many things in my life brought me inexorably to the decision, how God was moving in me.

At the Easter Vigil in 1987, I was baptized. It was a wonderful and warm moment. The sense of community was so strong, so compelling, that I was truly filled with joy. And for my part, knowing that I made these decisions without a sense of obligation to another person made me even more sure that what I had done was the right thing for me, and for me alone.

Over the years, many of the most wonderful moments in my life occurred within the walls of a Catholic Church. As the Best Man at my cousin's wedding, I was able to take communion with he and his bride. Later, I became godfather to his first child, as well as godfather to another dear friend's first child.

I married my best friend in the world in a Catholic Church and was welcomed into an entire new family.

Now I have come to realize, 20 years after becoming one, that being Catholic was not the end of the journey for me. My struggles with Vatican doctrine, with what I can only call wholly unchristian acts of some church leaders, have brought me to a crossroads. I see, most clearly, that when God moved in my life so many years ago, he called me to become a Christian. The Catholic Church was a means to that end, but it was not THE end.

I believe, that in his teachings, Jesus really wanted us to love each other. He taught about compassion, understanding, forgiveness. Hate the sin, love the sinner kind of thing. He also spoke of resistance to the evil in our lives, even if that evil is present in the form of powerful governments and institutions.

Render unto Caesar that which is Caesar's.

Each of us must choose our own way in this life. We must ultimately be true to ourselves if we have any hope of salvation. In understanding this, I know there are many Catholics who disagree with statements made by the Vatican or made from the pulpit, yet find the Church a spiritual beacon in their lives. They may feel they cannot turn from the church because of their deeply held beliefs that it is better to agitate change from within rather than leave. While it saddens me, I do not feel that way.

Maybe because I was first politically aware and then spiritually aware, I have ALWAYS believed that religious beliefs may shape our political decisions, but they should not dictate them. The principle on the separation of church and state is central to my belief of what is just and right in American Society. It protects me as a Christian, just as it protect Jews, Muslims and Atheist, from persecution. If Congress passed a law stating that anyone who wanted to live in this country must be a baptized Christian, I would have to leave it even though I am Christian, in short, because it would be just wrong.

I can no longer participate within an organization which preaches love on one hand, and espouses hate on the other; one which allows it's Bishops to protect the "brotherhood" at the expense of our children; or bars homosexuals from the priesthood, insinuating that the child abuse inflicted by priests is solely due to those with that particular sexual orientation.

So I render unto God my belief that he will continue to move within my life, even if the rest of my important moments occur outside the walls of the Catholic Church.

May God be with you in your journey, as well.